MANIPULATION

SELF-IMPROVEMENT

27. 6. 2025

EXPLOIT PERSONAL NEEDS TO WIN

Is it really me?

Our emotions are the worst judges in the world. Just because you feel something doesn’t make it important, relevant, or true. Emotions are not meant to guide your decisions. They are there to enrich the experience of what you’ve already chosen or to signal what feels harmful. But letting them steer your goals is like handing over the wheel to a drunk stranger and hoping they know the way.

MIND HACK 007: THE TRUE WILL

Needs usually arrive with two infamous messengers: emotions and primal urges. Neither of them delivers their message politely; instead, they use discomfort. You feel psychological or physical tension because something important is being neglected. Needs alert us to what must be secured to avoid losing our stability, advantage, or inner balance.

It would be exhausting to consciously calculate all your responsibilities and pleasure-seeking options every moment of your life. That’s why your subconscious steps in: a bottomless vending machine of feelings, eagerly throwing suggestions your way. Even though these feelings might seem random, they’re there to remind you of what needs doing or to refocus your attention.

Let’s be honest: your subconscious is a very enthusiastic assistant when it comes to delivering these messages; but also a very clumsy one. Instead of helping, it often floods you with irrelevant inner reactions or distracting emotional noise. And worse: it doesn’t even send one message at a time. Your needs often show up in conflicting emotional packages. In psychology, when these emotional patterns become repetitive and succeed in pushing you to act against your actual intentions, we call them autonomous complexes.

AND YES, I KNOW YOUR SECRET.

WHEN YOU OBEY A NEED YOU WISH YOU DIDN'T HAVE, YOU TEND TO RATIONALIZE IT. TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS. YOU PRESENT YOUR ACTIONS AS WISE, PRACTICAL, OR DRIVEN BY NECESSITY. BUT IN TRUTH, YOU'RE LYING TO YOURSELF TO AVOID EVEN MORE UNCOMFORTABLE FEELINGS: LIKE SHAME, EMBARRASSMENT, OR GUILT. DON'T WORRY. I WON'T TELL ANYONE. :)

In fact, I’m here to help you master your needs; and, if you choose, to learn how to read and use the needs of others to stand your ground. But there's one condition: you must be brave enough to admit the true state of things you wish to change. (And no, checking the door five times doesn’t count. That’s not responsibility. That’s compulsion.)

Do you know why so many intelligent, grown-up, respected people struggle with immature inner conflicts every single day? Because they overestimate two deeply unreliable factors that distort decision-making:

Actual Impression
Social Convention

The actual impression you get from any situation is often shaped by irrelevant or shallow elements: the way something looks, sounds, or is framed. Imagine a quote like:

"NEW IDEAS PAVE THE PATH TO THE NEW HUMAN."

NOW PICTURE IT OVER THE FACE OF HITLER. OR THE DALAI LAMA. OR STEPHEN HAWKING. SAME QUOTE, VERY DIFFERENT IMPRESSION. THE QUOTE IS MEANINGLESS. I MADE IT UP. BUT THE CONTEXT TRICKS YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS INTO ASSIGNING IT WEIGHT.

Or imagine watching footage of someone smashing cake into a nerdy girl’s face. Add circus music: it’s slapstick comedy. Add dark music and a somber narrator describing child abuse: now it’s disturbing. The footage didn’t change. Your impression did. And that is what your subconscious reacts to.

If you’re thinking, “I’m not that easily influenced,” just wait. I bet I’ll trigger your moral radar in the next paragraph.

Let’s talk about convention. Psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg described three stages of moral development:

1. Pre-conventional – driven by punishment and reward.

2. Conventional – driven by social approval and norms.

3. Post-conventional – guided by personal principles that transcend societal expectations.

Most people never move past stage two. And when they do, they often regress under pressure. That’s why we react to what we’ve been taught is right or wrong; not based on truth, but based on conventional triggers burned into the subconscious.

Now for the controversy:

What if I told you that someone’s values, opinions, or public stances have no reliable link to their actions?

Sure, a radical neo-nazi probably won’t join his gay friend’s birthday party at a drag bar. But if he has a gay friend, the ideological consistency is already broken. He might show up anyway, secretly. And you know what? People do this all the time. They act against their stated beliefs. Because beliefs don’t predict behavior unless the situation is directly related.

Someone who shares your values may hurt you. Someone whose values repulse you might become your greatest ally. So stop judging; because judging makes you blind. And blindness hides the data you need to follow your true will.

THE HACK OF THE TRUE WILL IS A SYNTHESIS OF OTHER TECHNIQUES: SELF-HONESTY, CONSISTENCY, VECTOR AWARENESS, AND ALLIANCE WITH YOUR INNER SELF. TOGETHER, THEY FORM A COMPASS. NOT TO TELL YOU WHAT'S RIGHT, BUT TO HELP YOU KNOW WHAT'S TRULY YOURS.

YOUR EMOTIONAL "NEED ASSISTANTS" MAY SEEM PERSUASIVE, EVEN OVERWHELMING. BUT YOU'RE STILL THE ONE HOLDING THE REINS. EVERY HUMAN IS CAPABLE OF RECOGNIZING THEIR TRUE WILL. THE TRICKY PART IS NOT LYING TO YOURSELF. AND NOT MISTAKING CONVENTIONAL EXPECTATIONS FOR GENUINE MORALITY.

IF YOU DON’T LIKE WHAT YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW, ASK YOURSELF:

WHAT DO I REALLY WANT TO DO?

There are always two steps on the path of your True Will:

1. Admit what it is that you, and only you, actually prefer.

2. Do it. Here and now.

MIND HACK 008: SMALL THINGS REVEAL BIGGER THINGS

“My grandma once told me: Always look at the shoes people wear. Clean shoes mean pure intentions.”
“I’m voting for this politician because he treated his parents nicely in a home video.”

When you hear statements like these from friends, you may roll your eyes and think: That’s silly. And it is silly. Choosing to believe in someone based on such irrelevant cues. But don’t argue. They probably need to cling to those filters to feel a little less unsure in a complex world.

Still, there’s a grain of truth hiding inside this nonsense. And that truth is the principle I call:

Small things reveal bigger things.

It doesn’t work the way your friend might think, though. You need to choose the right small things. The ones that match the deeper patterns you’re actually trying to understand.

You don’t judge based on a clean pair of shoes.

You judge based on recurring, consistent, reproducible micro-behaviors; because those are part of a person’s pattern.

This technique lets you read hidden intentions in the small, often unnoticed fragments of someone’s behavior. Once you learn to spot these mini-patterns, you’ll avoid unnecessary disappointments or misguided choices.

Most people keep their big intentions hidden. But their small habits expose them. Problem is, people are usually blind to those signs and focus instead on shallow conventions. You can be the world’s most devoted philanthropist, but if you ignore a pregnant woman standing in public transport: congrats, your public image just crashed.

A SIMPLE EXAMPLE: WHAT DOES SILENCE MEAN?

Let’s say your friend suggests a collaboration.

You’re both excited, and you immediately begin working on your part. Maybe you design the website, buy equipment, or lay the foundation of the project.

Your friend seems enthusiastic, even impressed.
But then… nothing. Days go by. Weeks.
No questions, no input, no suggestions, no visible progress from their side.

You’re left wondering:

“Should I wait, or should I suspend the plan?”

If you had a shared time frame and it’s been significantly exceeded, ask for an update.
If your friend shows genuine interest and eventually contributes something real, you may continue; understanding you’ll likely stay the more active partner.
If all you get is talk and vague enthusiasm, while you carry the project: suspend it. Especially if your friend is benefitting from your effort.

If there was no defined time frame, it’s okay to wait. But if your friend fails to offer any plan, suggestion, or timeline when asked, it's time to put things on hold.

Remember: small things reveal bigger things.
A pattern of silence is a pattern.
So is spontaneous, consistent engagement.

Don’t get angry. Don’t confront. Just observe, decode, and adjust your path accordingly.
This mind hack isn’t about judgment. It’s about clarity.

MIND HACK 008: SMALL THINGS REVEAL BIGGER THINGS

MIND HACK 009: ONE IN NEED IS WEAK INDEED

Personal needs always stem from a reaction to something we perceive – consciously or not – as a weakness. That’s what separates needs from goals.

We’ve already established:

Needs show what must be secured to survive and function.
Goals define the direction of your action, or the purpose of your being.

Your dreams give your life meaning, growth, fulfilment. But if your needs are not met, pursuing goals becomes a fantasy. You can be immensely talented, but you won’t become a famous singer with an empty stomach, singing barefoot on the street in rags. People might admire your voice, but at best they’ll toss a coin. A knight in shining armour is rare; and if he shows up, he probably comes with a price. You’ll end up living his story, not yours.

Without balance and dignity, there is no fulfilment.

The best strategy is to synchronize the effort to meet your needs with your broader mission — to walk your own path and build something that’s truly yours.

Not everyone has an ideal starting point. But fortunately, there are basic principles that can guide anyone toward satisfaction — no matter their story.

Here’s one:

Keep your efforts to fulfil your needs consistent with your efforts to reach your goals.

If there’s a conflict between them, needs come first — always.

But if you find yourself drowning in needs, ask yourself:

Do I really need all of this?

Do you need an expensive car?
A weekly bottle of whisky?
The newest phone?
Hours a day on social media?

Be honest – and kind – with yourself. Remember who your most loyal teammate is. (Hint: it’s you.)

Every additional need makes you more vulnerable to dependency. And that’s where the real danger lies.

THE GOLDEN RULE: AVOID DEPENDENCY

Whenever possible, avoid dependency.

If you provide a service and receive money or a service in return – that’s business.
If you work for someone or hire someone – that’s business.
As long as everyone follows one principle:

EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IS REPLACEABLE.

Sounds cynical? Inhuman?

On the contrary – ignoring this principle is what causes the real catastrophes.

Disaster begins when you stop playing a role and start acting as a specific person in someone else’s need-fulfilment scenario. Or worse – when someone else acts that way toward you.

If the situation becomes asymmetrical and you are the one in need – you lose control.

Imagine a drug addict begging their dealer. The deeper the withdrawal, the higher the price. If the dealer tells them to stand on one leg all night, they’ll do it – because the dealer now controls the need.

There’s only one exception where dependency is not just acceptable, but necessary:

Love.

Real love is not transactional. There’s no social role. No strategy. No replaceability.

It’s the only need where voluntary dependency is the point.
Which is exactly why love hurts so much:

It can only be secured through the experience of dependency.

REVERSE ENGINEERING: EXPLOITING THE NEEDS OF OTHERS

Now, let’s flip it.

If you understand how needs work, you can also learn to exploit them – ethically or not.

Here’s the trick:

Make the other person feel like you’re fulfilling their need not as a role – but as a person. Make yourself seem unreplaceable.

The illusion doesn’t need to be a lie. You’re not faking facts – you’re guiding perception.

Your inputs can be minor – as long as they support the desired vector of emotional reaction.

Used ethically, this gives you the upper hand in any scenario where your real skills or services are required. And by the way, this is exactly how marketing works. Every brand tries to convince you that they are unreplaceable – that they uniquely understand you.

In truth, they’re just using valid psychological levers.

So why shouldn’t you?